Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
