Got a toothbrush?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize