I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
