The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
