Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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