obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So squirting runs in the family.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
