This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
