I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
