Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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