Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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