I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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