Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
