i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize