Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
