How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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