What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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