Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
