either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
so much tequila, so little girl.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
