I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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