Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
