I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
