I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Your penis caused this!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize