i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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