Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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