Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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