She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
