can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
