guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
