you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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