With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
