I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
