I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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