actually, I'm a sock model
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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