I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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