I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
