Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
