I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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