Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
