I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
