Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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