I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
