I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
