using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
