How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
