The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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