this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
