Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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