I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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