Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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