The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
