i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
