Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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