how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
