he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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