I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
