11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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