Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
