Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.