i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.