Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.