Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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