You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.