forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.