wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?