well you can't waste a boner
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
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currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.