I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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