Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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