the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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