i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
