I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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