Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
its liver damage thursday
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
