U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
