1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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