Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
