so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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