Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
