You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
