I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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