Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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