we're chasing vodka with high fives
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
did i walk over a car last night?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
