You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
