After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have aggressive nipples.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
