sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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